dark_ages | landing party ( for thecanarylives )

landing party ( for thecanarylives )

[ He comes to with his head pounding, his vision blurred, and a persistent ringing in his ears. It takes him a while-- a good while, maybe seconds or maybe minutes, to even regain his vision properly, and to take in his surroundings. He's in a shuttle, which is completely wrecked, panels broken and burnt, wires hanging from everywhere, sparks going off and small fires here or there. They're also tilted forward slightly, so he can feel his weight pushing against the belts keeping him strapped to his chair. He looks beyond the window and he sees a lush forest just outside, trees and blue skies as far as the eye can see. It'd be pretty if not for the fact that they've clearly crashed on the planet they were supposed to land on.

Shit. Holy shit, they crashed. How the fuck did they crash? Leonard just wanted to gather some samples from the surface, it didn't even warrant a landing party bigger than two people, how the fuck did they end up like this?

That thought gets his brain into gear. Because he's not alone. He looks over to find Sara passed out, though at least thankfully still strapped to her seat. He lets out a shuddered breath, trying not to panic as he struggles to undo his own safety belt. ]

Sara!! Come on, you piece of shi-- [ His panicked grousing is cut off as his belt comes undone, and he just barely manages to brace himself against the controls rather than slam right into them. Head still spinning, he nevertheless forces himself to stumble towards her, looking her over briefly for possible injuries before he cups her face, trying to wake her up. ] Sara. Hey, can you hear me? Come on, open your eyes...

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[ She hadn’t come here to argue. She’s not even really sure why he’s here, except that he deserves some kind of clarity, and she knows she’s given him none of that since the day they’d supposedly decided to go their separate ways.

Christ, they weren’t even dating.

She hesitates a moment, attempting to find the right words. ]

It’s not about what I want. I care about you, Leonard. You know that. But people like me... we don’t get the things we want. The people we want.

[ She’s being vague and confusing again. She shakes her head, lifting her head to meet his gaze. ]

If I tell you the truth, about all the shit I’ve done, about who I really am... I lose you. That’s it. I guess I’ve just been trying to pretend that’s not true. Or prolong the inevitable.

[ He just stares at her. It's a dramatic answer, too dramatic, and touching on cliché a little, but he says nothing to it. He just crosses his arms and is quiet for a good, long while, staring at her. ]

So, let me see if I get this straight.

[ He shifts on the couch, sits a little more upright, clears his throat. ]

If you do tell me, there's the chance I'll be a complete ass and reject you because of whatever you've had to do to survive, and we aren't together.

If you don't tell me, we just don't talk about shit, we each go on our own way, and again, we aren't together.

[ He just lets the logic of that settle in her mind. ]

It's fine to say you just don't trust me enough to tell me. You don't wanna take that risk, you don't want to get hurt? That's fair, I can accept that. But it's not fair of you to decide for me what I will or won't understand. And don't try to turn that choice not to tell me about your past on me.

[ If he thinks that's cliche, he should meet the people she used to run around with. Dramatic doesn't even begin to cover the past decade of her life, and she's seen the judgment, the heartbreak, the disgust that comes with learning about who she used to be.

She listens to him lay out the fallacy in her own actions, the nonsense of the decisions she's been making on his behalf, biting her tongue and clenching her jaw as he argues his way through what she knows is true. ]

Fine, alright? It's stupid and it's fucking selfish. Is that you wanna hear? [ She can hear the waver in her voice, the tightness in her throat. She pushes herself up to pace along the wall near the door, sucking in a breath and dragging a hand over her face. Finally, mustering up some sense of resolve, she turns back to face him. ]

I was League of Assassins. I got paid to put people down. I wasn't doing it to survive, I wasn't forced into it. It was who I was. Sometimes I think it still is.

No, that's not what I want to hear.

[ The last thing he wants is to sit here listening to her berate and criticize herself, he just wants to figure out what she truly wants. Friendship clearly wasn't going to work all that well, so keeping their distance is what made sense. But her visit to the sick bay has made it obvious that she can't quite bring herself to do that.

He falls quiet as she turns, with the distinct feeling that she's about to drop something heavy. So he's both shocked and not at what she says next, the silence heavy as it lingers for a good while, until finally he lets out a breath. ]

Alright. Okay. [ He runs a hand over his hair and sighs. Well that's a bomb, alright. But he looks up at her at last, as he gestures to the empty spot on the couch next to him. ] Can you please sit so we can talk properly? You're driving me crazy, pacin' around the room.

[ She’s prepared for him to tell her to go. Look at her with some kind of disappointment, anger, distaste. She’s watching him curiously for his reaction, some morbid curiosity or sense of getting what she deserves.

She’s sure as hell not expecting him to ask for her to sit. She stares at him a moment, brow cocking.

You want to sit and talk about it?

[ She hesitates, skeptical even as she crosses the room and sinks down into the cushion next to him. ]

[ He rises both eyebrows at her question. ]

Isn't that what we're here for? To talk?

[ He waits until she's sitting down next to him, letting a pause rest between them, just to give them a moment to calm down. Let everything settle. ]

Alright. Tell me more— about it. How did you end up with them?

Yeah, but... Leonard, I just told you that I’m a murderer.

[ She watches him curiously, more than a little taken aback by how he’s handling the news. ]

I was on a charter ship that crashed. Got stranded on a planet called Lian Yu for about a year, had to do some... pretty shitty things to stay alive. [ She frowns down at her hands. ] We tried to escape on a freighter, but there was another shipwreck and I got picked up by the League after it went under. [ That’s the very horribly glossed over Sparknotes version, anyway. ]

Yes, I know, I've heard you the first time.

[ He may be grumpy like an old man but he's not going deaf or anything, thanks. As for her background... it is certainly unique, especially for someone now in Starfleet. But it's not some horrible shock that's going to be enough to drive him away from her.

Maybe because he's gotten to know her, and he's gotten to see how she cares about the crew, the lengths she'll go to keep them safe. There's more to her than just being 'a murderer'. ]

Alright. So... how exactly does someone go from that, to Starfleet? Don't take it the wrong way or anything, it's just... that's a pretty damn big leap.

[ She’s not sure if he’s just being stubborn or still processing the information or trying to feel out how much of the good outweighs the bad, but part of her’s not sure he’s actually comprehending what she’s trying to tell him.

She chews on her lip. ]

I got word that my family was in danger back on earth. I left Nanda Parbat to make sure they were okay, and... well, you don’t exactly just give the League of Assassins two weeks notice.

Once I left, I didn’t want to go back. I went into hiding and started hopping shuttles, moonlighting as a vigilante until the Captain found me rescuing this freighter full of girls being trafficked by some gangsters. He recruited me then and there.

[ He's definitely still processing the information. It is a lot, after all, and though he she had a complicated past, he hadn't imagined it'd be something like this. But so far, he's still here. So it can't be going that bad. ]

Mm, sounds like Jim. [ He chuckles softly. ] I can only imagine what he told Starfleet to convince them to let you join.

[ Evidently it worked. Though he may be biased, he's glad for it. She is an asset to their crew, no doubt about that. ]

Do you feel like you are Starfleet, now?

[ Part of her’s still waiting for him to be done. Like her breath is still held, anticipating the real Leonard McCoy reaction. ]

Yeah, I’m still not sure how he pushed that one through, either.

[ She shrugs at his question. ] Sometimes. Then sometimes I think... maybe I’m just playing pretend. Hoping to be someone I’m not.

[ She watches him a moment. ] You’re taking this weirdly well.

Well, you've always seemed pretty genuine to me.

[ He does get where that doubt comes from, that fear that she somehow just hasn't worked through her issues, hasn't distanced herself from her past. It's more complicated than he can imagine and he knows it, but he also doesn't think she could pretend this much, constantly, all the time, to be someone else.

He raises his eyebrows, lips pursed as he lifts his shoulders in a measured shrug. ]

Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting, so I can't say if this is better or worse. But it just... is. You have a past, everyone does. You still are who you are now, and that's who I like. And we've been through enough together that I know I can trust you, no matter what.

[ She watches him carefully, trying to read how genuine his reaction is. If he's holding back for some reason. ]

It just is? [ She furrows her brow down at her hands again, shaking her head. ] How can you say that? You're a doctor. I slit people's throats in their sleep. I'm not... [ She sighs, looking up at him again. ]

You're a good man, Leonard. You see the good in people. But you deserve better than... whatever the hell this is.

[ He rolls his eyes monumentally at that, groaning as he leans forward, face briefly in his hands. ]

Okay, you've got to stop that. You've been through a lot, I can imagine, so I can understand you needing some time to figure yourself out. Not wanting to be with someone else until you've got yourself figured out. Hell, some people just don't want to be in relationships at all and that's perfectly fine, and if it's just not something you're comfortable with then we'll just leave it at that. No explanations necessary, no apologies needed.

But please, stop making my choices for me. I haven't heard you once say whether or not you'd consider a relationship, or if you'd even go on a date with me. I don't think you even know what you want, which is fine. But don't talk about it like you're making my own decisions for me so you don't have to make one of your own.

[ She frowns as he speaks, eyeing him curiously. ]

You're trying to tell me you still want to date me? After all the shit I just told you?

[ He pauses at her question, then nods slowly, eyebrows arched. ]

Well, I don't remember sayin' I've changed my mind.

[ She stares at him a moment, the corner of her lip tugging upward just a bit, despite herself. ]

You do know that's insane, right?

Yes, well, [ He starts, his own lips quirking up a little too, an eyebrow arched. ] Maybe Jim has been rubbing off on me more than I realized.

[ She chuckles softly at that, glancing down at her hands again. ]

Maybe you should take a few days. I kind of just unloaded a lot on you.

[ She bites her lip after a moment. ]

I'm not trying to make decisions for you. I... If you still want me, then I do want to try. I just don't want you choosing me because you think I'm someone I'm not. Or regretting it after the fact...

[ He smiles faintly, nodding at her suggestion. She's not wrong, that was a lot of information, so a few days to let things settle, both from her reveal and the mission that's just finally been wrapped up, will only help in clearing both their heads.

Not that he thinks he'll change his mind, and it definitely won't change how he feels about her, but it might make her feel surer that he means what he says. ]

Alright, then. Let's do that. I'm sure we can manage a few days not chasing each other around the ship, right?

[ She's already pretty much convinced herself that in a few days, he'll realize just what he's getting into. He just needs time to let it all sink in.

Still, it's strangely freeing, getting it out in the open. Until now, Jim's been the only one on board who knows about her history.

She puts on another small smile, nodding. ]

Do me a favor? Try to stay in one piece until then.

[ She needs that time more than he does, he thinks. Still, he hardly minds postponing the rest of their conversation. Better than it ending badly now. ]

I don't think I'll have any problems promising you that.

[ He's not exactly a reckless idiot like their Captain, so surely in a few days he'll still be alive, well, and yes, in one piece. ]

Well, if that's everything... I think we both probably need some decent rest now.

Don't jinx it, Doc.

[ She quirks a small smile, this one at least a little more genuine. Nodding at his words, she straightens a little, hesitating and looking up at him again. ]

Hey... [ She reaches out, fingertips grazing against his wrist. ] I'm glad you're okay.

[ He had been thinking of maybe reaching out and touching her, but it seemed... well, not fitting to this moment. However, when she reaches out first, he takes that chance and rests his hand over hers, squeezing lightly and briefly as he answers— ]

I'm glad we're both okay.

[ Then he lets go, smiling back to her as he gets to his feet. ]

I should, uh... let you go on your way. I'll talk to you in a few days?

[ He's not sure yet if he should be the one getting in touch or if he should wait to get a message or a call from her, but he'll figure that out later. ]

[ She lets that touch linger a moment, soaking in the warmth of it, fingertips dragging along his palm even as he pulls away. Nodding and getting to her feet, she sucks in a breath. ]

Yeah. I'll see you then.

[ She gives him another small smile before she picks up her gym bag and heads out.

The way she sees it, the ball's in his court. If he really decides he wants to see her again, he knows where to find her. If not... well, then a few days can easily turn into a hell of a lot longer. ]

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